Adopt a Joke 8/28/07
Please adopt one of these terrible jokes, fresh from the oven:
My favorite comedian was Charlie Chapman. He always said what I was thinking.
My friend said that there should be a special place in hell for conceited people. But I was like, nah, man, that's what they want.
It is so frustrating when a girl you adore doesn't notice you. It's like, "C'mon, look out your window already."
In high school I was with a girl, and we had sex at her place. And she said, "If my Dad finds out we had sex while he was gone, he's going to be pissed." And I felt bad because I didn't know I was being rude for not inviting him along.
There's a super hero on the Catholic TV network named Bibleman. I think he got his powers after being molested by a radioactive priest.
Bibleman's a superhero. I was watching to try to figure out his powers, but the only one I see is the ability to leap logic in a single bound.
He does have great fights, though. You should see the epic battles between Bibleman and Different Interpretation of Bibleman. Was Mary a Virgin? Was Mary not a Virgin? Watch out, Bible City!
A good movie trailer is supposed to make you think, "I need to find out how those hot chicks made that car explode."
When I was growing up we had a swear jar. To punish us, whenever someone swore they had to put a quarter into the jar. And at the end of the week, we would take all the money from the jar and spend it on therapy.
My local bar has a live karaoke band. I bet they make themselves feel better about it by just pretending to be really picky about auditioning their front man.
Having a cover band is like calling yourself an author because you have a library card and xerox machine.
I want to start a college called the "City University of New Township," if only to hear what the cheerleading squad comes up with.
I always wonder if there's a successful drummer somewhere who's just waiting for his accounting firm to take off.
Porn websites often have free trailers. But I always feel like they spoil the ending.
I take the Scooby-Doo view of religion: no matter how spooky things get, it's usually just some asshole that's mad kids are having fun.
I love comedy, so it hurts me when people ask, "Mike, what if you don't make it?" It tells me they really didn't like my show.
I'm sorry.
My favorite comedian was Charlie Chapman. He always said what I was thinking.
My friend said that there should be a special place in hell for conceited people. But I was like, nah, man, that's what they want.
It is so frustrating when a girl you adore doesn't notice you. It's like, "C'mon, look out your window already."
In high school I was with a girl, and we had sex at her place. And she said, "If my Dad finds out we had sex while he was gone, he's going to be pissed." And I felt bad because I didn't know I was being rude for not inviting him along.
There's a super hero on the Catholic TV network named Bibleman. I think he got his powers after being molested by a radioactive priest.
Bibleman's a superhero. I was watching to try to figure out his powers, but the only one I see is the ability to leap logic in a single bound.
He does have great fights, though. You should see the epic battles between Bibleman and Different Interpretation of Bibleman. Was Mary a Virgin? Was Mary not a Virgin? Watch out, Bible City!
A good movie trailer is supposed to make you think, "I need to find out how those hot chicks made that car explode."
When I was growing up we had a swear jar. To punish us, whenever someone swore they had to put a quarter into the jar. And at the end of the week, we would take all the money from the jar and spend it on therapy.
My local bar has a live karaoke band. I bet they make themselves feel better about it by just pretending to be really picky about auditioning their front man.
Having a cover band is like calling yourself an author because you have a library card and xerox machine.
I want to start a college called the "City University of New Township," if only to hear what the cheerleading squad comes up with.
I always wonder if there's a successful drummer somewhere who's just waiting for his accounting firm to take off.
Porn websites often have free trailers. But I always feel like they spoil the ending.
I take the Scooby-Doo view of religion: no matter how spooky things get, it's usually just some asshole that's mad kids are having fun.
I love comedy, so it hurts me when people ask, "Mike, what if you don't make it?" It tells me they really didn't like my show.
I'm sorry.
posted by Mike Drucker at
9:47 AM
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