Sex Advice for Spam Emails
Every day I receive dozens of unsolicited emails with the tips and questions about sex. I answer them because I have also had sex with a woman once.
carlota emily [Capitalization of names is for the bourgeois] writes:
Good night drucker.michael
His penis wasn’t big enough to reach the most sensitive parts of my vagina
carlota emily
Thanks for writing, emily!
Well, that certainly is a problem. What you have to consider is how important sex is to your relationship. But since you only mentioned his penis lacking the necessary length, I imagine it's quite important, indeed. If he's still a great guy to you, perhaps you two could try some tasteful adult toys? Or maybe you could discuss this issue. Maybe it's not really his penis that isn't big enough to reach your G-spot. Maybe his lack of commitment is manifesting itself as a detriment to your relationship. After all, girl, if he ain't good out of bed, he ain't good in it.
lucious Margraves writes,
Yo yo yo drucker.michael
Any bigger and i would be in a circus
lucious Margraves
Lucious,
If only we all had this problem! Am I right, fellows? Hah-hah! I need to try stand-up some day! Seriously, though, there are surgical operations available for this type of problem. Furthermore - have you actually considered the circus? You could make a lucrative living traveling to alt-underground festivals in which you display what nature gave you. Perhaps you could meet a woman who works at the circus showing the world's biggest vagina? That sounds like a romance for the ages.
Pamila Villar writes,
Regards drucker.michael
Your new, big penis is only 5-6mths away
Pamila Villar
Pamila,
Is it now? Well, then, I certainly look forward to the Spring. Thank you for writing, and I'll definitely be sure to be on the look out for any changes.
And finally, a follow-up email from a long-time spammer to whom I gave some advice.
Good day drucker.michael
im not shy in public toilets anymore.
ChieYu Sanghishetty
ChieYu,
Congratulations! I knew you could do it.
carlota emily [Capitalization of names is for the bourgeois] writes:
Good night drucker.michael
His penis wasn’t big enough to reach the most sensitive parts of my vagina
carlota emily
Thanks for writing, emily!
Well, that certainly is a problem. What you have to consider is how important sex is to your relationship. But since you only mentioned his penis lacking the necessary length, I imagine it's quite important, indeed. If he's still a great guy to you, perhaps you two could try some tasteful adult toys? Or maybe you could discuss this issue. Maybe it's not really his penis that isn't big enough to reach your G-spot. Maybe his lack of commitment is manifesting itself as a detriment to your relationship. After all, girl, if he ain't good out of bed, he ain't good in it.
lucious Margraves writes,
Yo yo yo drucker.michael
Any bigger and i would be in a circus
lucious Margraves
Lucious,
If only we all had this problem! Am I right, fellows? Hah-hah! I need to try stand-up some day! Seriously, though, there are surgical operations available for this type of problem. Furthermore - have you actually considered the circus? You could make a lucrative living traveling to alt-underground festivals in which you display what nature gave you. Perhaps you could meet a woman who works at the circus showing the world's biggest vagina? That sounds like a romance for the ages.
Pamila Villar writes,
Regards drucker.michael
Your new, big penis is only 5-6mths away
Pamila Villar
Pamila,
Is it now? Well, then, I certainly look forward to the Spring. Thank you for writing, and I'll definitely be sure to be on the look out for any changes.
And finally, a follow-up email from a long-time spammer to whom I gave some advice.
Good day drucker.michael
im not shy in public toilets anymore.
ChieYu Sanghishetty
ChieYu,
Congratulations! I knew you could do it.
posted by Mike Drucker at
8:43 AM
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