I'm Sorry, What? Oh, fuck you.

Recently, Jerry Seinfeld's wife has been accused of stealing some recipes for her cook book. It's a pretty serious allegation, all things considered, especially since these are supposed to be specialty-made-for-kids cooking instructions.

Seinfeld defended his wife on Letterman.

I'm sorry, what?

First of all, let me say that I like Seinfeld, I like his stand-up, I liked his television show, and Comedian is a movie I can watch once in a while when I feel up for a round of comedic masturbation.

But fuck you, man. Fuck you to be so smug about plagiarism. That's serious shit. Writers - I don't care if they're cooks, scientists, or novelists - spend a long fucking time working on their material. Yeah, I know she's your wife, but wow. Could you have been any more self-assured and smug about it? Wow. Calling her a potential assassin? Really? When your movie comes out and a critic doesn't like it, why not call him a rapist because, hey, that's analogous, right? Bad thing equals bad thing.

Oh, and hey. I know this sounds funny, but let me try this scenario on you.

Let's say you do a comedy special. Right? It's about an hour, hour and a half long. And it's good.

Five months later, I do a comedy special. And my special is about an hour, hour and a half long. And it's good. But, hey, here's the weird thing. I also have four or five jokes that are identical to yours.

But, I mean, your special came out only five months before mine. And in geological time, that means they came out at basically the same time. Man. What an asshole you would be for asking if I had possibly borrowed some of your jokes.

I mean, jokes, recipes, what's the difference, right? There was a time when we used to call plagiarism on the theft of stories from novels. But nowadays, people are willing to call it on jokes about naming kids and what to do with cotton balls. I mean, have we lost our minds?