The 1993 CES Convention Comedian
After last night, I realized I'm only good at one joke. But goddamnit, I'm great at that one joke.
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The 1993 CES Convention Comedian
Hey! Give it up for your host. Isn’t he something? He’s faster than a 486 with 2 megs of RAM! Hey! So I met a girl on a BBS message board. She wants to meet me tomorrow, but I haven’t finished downloading her photo yet. I know! She wanted me to read some of her poetry, and when I asked what format she should send them to me in, she said, "Do you mind if I do ASCII?" And I said, "Only if you don’t mind if I tell-y." I’m just kidding, folks. We tried to connect computers once – she asked me what my IP address was. I said, "My home!" Hah! So, guys! What’s the difference between a 3.5 inch floppy and 5.25 floppy? None! Because if you’ve got one, you’re disappointing a lady! Hey-yo! But what’s the deal with these new CD-Roms? They seem pretty expensive. I keep hearing they can store an entire encyclopedia on one disc. But if I wanted to have one expensive thing tell me that it knows everything, I’d talk to my wife. That’s right, she’s a thing! So, I wanted to program a computer that told jokes for me. A friend of mine suggested I hire a C++ programmer. I thought that meant he was super average! Hey! But I hired the C++ programmer, but I’ve got to say, he did a C - - job. Am I right? I told my friend I wanted to build a token ring network in my house, so he brought over a bag of marijuana and some friends. Hey, I’m just kidding – I never touch the stuff! Have you guys seen this Windows 3.1 yet? Oh, gosh! You can see what you’re working on. Sorry DOS, but I am tired of visiting Zork. Am I right? It’s selling really well, too. Windows 3.1 is selling so well that I think Bill Gates is going to start living in a Bill - Gated Community. Am I right? He’s making millions, I mean. Alright, folks, I’ve got to go make a tape backup of my files. I hope I don’t mix it up with my son’s Blind Melon tape again. Hah! Boy, was he angry. But I said, "Hey! Not only do you not have to listen to that garbage music anymore, but you just got 50 kilobytes of the best porn out there." I’m joshing you guys. You were great. Visit me at the Quicken booth. Goodnight.
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The 1993 CES Convention Comedian
Hey! Give it up for your host. Isn’t he something? He’s faster than a 486 with 2 megs of RAM! Hey! So I met a girl on a BBS message board. She wants to meet me tomorrow, but I haven’t finished downloading her photo yet. I know! She wanted me to read some of her poetry, and when I asked what format she should send them to me in, she said, "Do you mind if I do ASCII?" And I said, "Only if you don’t mind if I tell-y." I’m just kidding, folks. We tried to connect computers once – she asked me what my IP address was. I said, "My home!" Hah! So, guys! What’s the difference between a 3.5 inch floppy and 5.25 floppy? None! Because if you’ve got one, you’re disappointing a lady! Hey-yo! But what’s the deal with these new CD-Roms? They seem pretty expensive. I keep hearing they can store an entire encyclopedia on one disc. But if I wanted to have one expensive thing tell me that it knows everything, I’d talk to my wife. That’s right, she’s a thing! So, I wanted to program a computer that told jokes for me. A friend of mine suggested I hire a C++ programmer. I thought that meant he was super average! Hey! But I hired the C++ programmer, but I’ve got to say, he did a C - - job. Am I right? I told my friend I wanted to build a token ring network in my house, so he brought over a bag of marijuana and some friends. Hey, I’m just kidding – I never touch the stuff! Have you guys seen this Windows 3.1 yet? Oh, gosh! You can see what you’re working on. Sorry DOS, but I am tired of visiting Zork. Am I right? It’s selling really well, too. Windows 3.1 is selling so well that I think Bill Gates is going to start living in a Bill - Gated Community. Am I right? He’s making millions, I mean. Alright, folks, I’ve got to go make a tape backup of my files. I hope I don’t mix it up with my son’s Blind Melon tape again. Hah! Boy, was he angry. But I said, "Hey! Not only do you not have to listen to that garbage music anymore, but you just got 50 kilobytes of the best porn out there." I’m joshing you guys. You were great. Visit me at the Quicken booth. Goodnight.
posted by Mike Drucker at
9:15 AM
1 Comments:
This guy is on the worst comic open mic bit.
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