I Love You More Than Ever. Except More So!

Nigel: You will have your own challenges, and I'll bet you'll meet them splendidly.

from: Wild Thornberrys Movie, The (2002)

Hey, Frank. Close the door behind you; I don’t want my roommate to hear this. Now, you know I love you, right?

Like, you know that. Say you do. I mean it. Say you know I love you. Because I do. Do you love me too? That’s so good. But things just aren’t working out between us, Frank. And I think we should really stop seeing each other. Because I love you so much and it’s, like, I guess I love you so much that I don’t think I’m right for you? Does that make sense? Frank? I think you’re so smart and so good and your band will really take off soon, I know that, I do, I so believe in you. But right now, I can’t feel this way about a guy and not know if my feelings will be fulfilled or if I feel this way for you just because I’m afraid I might not feel this way for someone else.

Does that make sense? Frank? Oh my God, don’t get all frowny! I still love you! And, I mean, like, we’re still friends, you know? I mean, I know – what a cliché. But we’ve got season tickets to the Penguins.

And I’ll be honest here. Listen, because this is my honesty talking: I wouldn’t want to see anyone else in the seat next to me. That’s your seat. And if you can’t make the game because you’ve got a hot date – I bet you’ll find one so fast! And soon! – I definitely won’t let anyone sit there. Not my friends or any guys I would be dating – who, I want to let you know, I’ll never love as much as you. I know this probably comes as a surprise and that’s okay. It’s okay to be surprised sometimes. Birthday presents are surprises.

Remember when I surprised you with that trip to Ireland and we had so much fun? You were so surprised when I got you that. And that’s what this is like! It’s like a trip to an Ireland where instead of cozy cottages we stayed in, there are new people to meet and romantic opportunities. But I love you, and I want you to always know in my heart, you’re Frank and you’ll stay Frank. Even if I meet another guy named Frank – date or no, he could be my friend, too – he’ll be referred to in my thoughts and blog as Frank Number Two! You're Number One!

Do you understand that? That’s great, because I met a guy named Frank. And I like him a lot and he’s so different from you that I think of him as another part of you. So it’s, like, I’m not breaking up with you so much as seeing the other side of you in a new light differently with someone else. And I like that. I want you to like that too. Do you like that too? Do you want to talk about how you feel right now? Frank? You know I’ll always love you, right? Say you do.