MTA + PSP = HORROR!
So, I babysat for two kids on the subway yesterday.
Let me rephrase that, these two kids got excited when they saw me playing PSP on the subway and their Mom told them to talk to me.
Just like that.
Just talk to that dude.
There could be no bad thing that could come of this, right? You know, she just saw an overweight man in his twenties with a five o’clock shadow playing Castlevania: Dracula X Chronicles (fantastic, by the way, thank you for asking) on the subway at 3 in the afternoon and she thought, "Seems alright."
Or, the more devious option was her seeing me and probably thinking, "Finally, I’ve got a window to lose these assholes. Hey, kids? See that man with the ketchup stain on his Zelda shirt? Why don’t you ask him if he’s got a van or something – Mama needs some time in the no-headache zone."
She literally said, "Go talk to him." Yeah. Go talk to that stranger.
Which, hey - we didn't talk about this first. Before you send your zerglings over to harvest my vespine gas, why don't you fucking ask the other adult if he minds. Because I do. Motherfucking Dracula ain't going to stake himself. Alright?
You think Richter Belmont can do it on his own? Not without these paws he ain't! He's a motherfucking choir boy compared to me.
So she sends them over, and everyone on the subway is now looking at me, and I’m mainly thinking, "Look – hands are on the PSP! No touchie! They came to me!"
And you just... you never think you'll come to a point in your life when you need to refer to yourself as “stranger danger.”
I just imagined this woman getting home and her husband asks, "Hey, honey, where are they kids?"
"Uh, great news! I just pawned them off to some dude, he was playing PSP, the kids got excited, and I thought, you know what, he could probably provide a better home for them. And finally, we can finish watching Pan’s Labyrinth with no interruptions."
Did they enjoy Pan's Labyrinth?
Turn to page 18 if you think they did!
Turn to page 54 if you think they did not!
Let me rephrase that, these two kids got excited when they saw me playing PSP on the subway and their Mom told them to talk to me.
Just like that.
Just talk to that dude.
There could be no bad thing that could come of this, right? You know, she just saw an overweight man in his twenties with a five o’clock shadow playing Castlevania: Dracula X Chronicles (fantastic, by the way, thank you for asking) on the subway at 3 in the afternoon and she thought, "Seems alright."
Or, the more devious option was her seeing me and probably thinking, "Finally, I’ve got a window to lose these assholes. Hey, kids? See that man with the ketchup stain on his Zelda shirt? Why don’t you ask him if he’s got a van or something – Mama needs some time in the no-headache zone."
She literally said, "Go talk to him." Yeah. Go talk to that stranger.
Which, hey - we didn't talk about this first. Before you send your zerglings over to harvest my vespine gas, why don't you fucking ask the other adult if he minds. Because I do. Motherfucking Dracula ain't going to stake himself. Alright?
You think Richter Belmont can do it on his own? Not without these paws he ain't! He's a motherfucking choir boy compared to me.
So she sends them over, and everyone on the subway is now looking at me, and I’m mainly thinking, "Look – hands are on the PSP! No touchie! They came to me!"
And you just... you never think you'll come to a point in your life when you need to refer to yourself as “stranger danger.”
I just imagined this woman getting home and her husband asks, "Hey, honey, where are they kids?"
"Uh, great news! I just pawned them off to some dude, he was playing PSP, the kids got excited, and I thought, you know what, he could probably provide a better home for them. And finally, we can finish watching Pan’s Labyrinth with no interruptions."
Did they enjoy Pan's Labyrinth?
Turn to page 18 if you think they did!
Turn to page 54 if you think they did not!
posted by Mike Drucker at
11:31 AM
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