Falling Asleep at the Wheel
-License and registration, please?
-Is there a problem officer?
-Son, you could say that the whole world is a Rubik's cube to me. Kids killing each other other shoes, famous people showing no remorse for their sinful ways, and politicians willing to hurt innocent people to get kick backs from corporations that already have enough money. Maybe it's when people stopped reading the Bible or maybe it's when my generation decided it had done enough - I don't know. I died inside long ago when the emotional razors in my wife's vagina shaved my pencil down to the nub, metaphorically speaking of course. My daughter died a long time ago for real - not inside, although also that, I suppose - by her own hand and I never had a son, which the other boys at the precinct love bringing up. "Look at Sergeant Rhodes. He may be Sergeant, but he's got empty balls!" they say. Well my balls aren't empty, goddamnit. They're overspilling with love and I've got no one to give it to! Do you know what that's like? Being full of a gift and having no one to take it from you? Jesus in Heaven and Hell, it makes me hurt to think about it. What happened to root beer floats and girls in poodle skirts. Did they ever exist? And if they did, were they ever as good as Happy Days made them seem?
-Is there a problem with my driving?
-No, no, no. You just seemed like you might understa... nevermind. You have a good day, sir. Here's fifty dollars. Buy yourself something to stave off the encroaching darkness. Someday when your own personal disappointments rise up like a Lovecraftian gods from the depths of your being, I'm sure it will be real nice that you have a Big Mouth Billy Bass in your office.
-Thank you, sir.
-No, thank you, son.
-No, thank you, sir.
-No, thank you, son.
-No, thank you, sir.
-No, thank you, son.
Infinite loop.
Officer dies of hunger.
Citizen dies of thirst.
The world around them grows and changes. Nature someday claims the bodies of the officer and the citizen. Their clothes are not biodegradable, however. And the remains of them are someday found by the Bee People who evolve after we do not learn of our flaws.
UPDATE:
All bees are dying. Fuck. Let's say the Ant People. Those fucks are pretty resilient, eh, guys?
UPDATE:
If the officer died first, wouldn't the citizen's infinite loop be broken by the change in parameters? No, because he's very, very polite.
-Is there a problem officer?
-Son, you could say that the whole world is a Rubik's cube to me. Kids killing each other other shoes, famous people showing no remorse for their sinful ways, and politicians willing to hurt innocent people to get kick backs from corporations that already have enough money. Maybe it's when people stopped reading the Bible or maybe it's when my generation decided it had done enough - I don't know. I died inside long ago when the emotional razors in my wife's vagina shaved my pencil down to the nub, metaphorically speaking of course. My daughter died a long time ago for real - not inside, although also that, I suppose - by her own hand and I never had a son, which the other boys at the precinct love bringing up. "Look at Sergeant Rhodes. He may be Sergeant, but he's got empty balls!" they say. Well my balls aren't empty, goddamnit. They're overspilling with love and I've got no one to give it to! Do you know what that's like? Being full of a gift and having no one to take it from you? Jesus in Heaven and Hell, it makes me hurt to think about it. What happened to root beer floats and girls in poodle skirts. Did they ever exist? And if they did, were they ever as good as Happy Days made them seem?
-Is there a problem with my driving?
-No, no, no. You just seemed like you might understa... nevermind. You have a good day, sir. Here's fifty dollars. Buy yourself something to stave off the encroaching darkness. Someday when your own personal disappointments rise up like a Lovecraftian gods from the depths of your being, I'm sure it will be real nice that you have a Big Mouth Billy Bass in your office.
-Thank you, sir.
-No, thank you, son.
-No, thank you, sir.
-No, thank you, son.
-No, thank you, sir.
-No, thank you, son.
Infinite loop.
Officer dies of hunger.
Citizen dies of thirst.
The world around them grows and changes. Nature someday claims the bodies of the officer and the citizen. Their clothes are not biodegradable, however. And the remains of them are someday found by the Bee People who evolve after we do not learn of our flaws.
UPDATE:
All bees are dying. Fuck. Let's say the Ant People. Those fucks are pretty resilient, eh, guys?
UPDATE:
If the officer died first, wouldn't the citizen's infinite loop be broken by the change in parameters? No, because he's very, very polite.
posted by Mike Drucker at
5:22 AM
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