They Do Make Games for Me
I found the Marvel Trading Card Game in the clearance isle of a Monmouth County Toys ‘R Us. I say “isle” rather than “aisle” because it was a barren wasteland of Dora the Explorer GBA titles and racist racing games.
This is a game specifically made for me. I can see why no one wanted it and it landed in the misfit toys aisle next to unsold PokeMon rip-offs. But it is a game specifically made for me.
It is a collectible trading card game in video game form staring superheroes and requiring good math skills for strategy. And oh my God is it good. It’s like the first time you discovered a sexual fetish and you thought, “Finally, I understand what I was missing.”
The interface is clunky, the sound is repetitive, and the enemy A.I. jumps between being far too easy and an impossible cheater. But oh....
When I pulled out my 2/2 H.E.R.B.I.E. card and gave him Blade’s sword in order to beat Kang the Conqueror’s Army and cause extra damage to the other player, I was born again.
Born again prouder, happier, stronger.
And I don’t know if I can go back to the way I was before.
By the way, although it's all represented by still images, the thought of the Fantastic Four's pet robot wielding a sword meant to kill the undead and beating the shit out of time-traveling armies is a happy one.
This is a game specifically made for me. I can see why no one wanted it and it landed in the misfit toys aisle next to unsold PokeMon rip-offs. But it is a game specifically made for me.
It is a collectible trading card game in video game form staring superheroes and requiring good math skills for strategy. And oh my God is it good. It’s like the first time you discovered a sexual fetish and you thought, “Finally, I understand what I was missing.”
The interface is clunky, the sound is repetitive, and the enemy A.I. jumps between being far too easy and an impossible cheater. But oh....
When I pulled out my 2/2 H.E.R.B.I.E. card and gave him Blade’s sword in order to beat Kang the Conqueror’s Army and cause extra damage to the other player, I was born again.
Born again prouder, happier, stronger.
And I don’t know if I can go back to the way I was before.
By the way, although it's all represented by still images, the thought of the Fantastic Four's pet robot wielding a sword meant to kill the undead and beating the shit out of time-traveling armies is a happy one.
posted by Mike Drucker at
8:07 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home