New 23/6 Blog

Uh-oh! West butt tit slime shore a new blog on 23/6! Enjoy it!

Halfway to Christmas

We're halfway there, guys! We can make it! Just stay in there! Presents!

George Carlin Has Died

Sad, sad, really sad news. I would not be a comedian if not for George Carlin. Not in the "he paved the way for us" kind of way. I mean in the "I listened to him for hours by stealing my Dad's CDs and cassettes" kind of way.

I would not be doing comedy if not for him.

Not at all.

Here's the obit.

It doesn't seem real.











Damn.

The Last Of This Bit

5 Music Video Games Much More Fun Than Guitar Hero

A word on the new Guitar Hero.

Guitar Hero: World Tour will feature a whole band like Rock Band but just slightly different enough to require you spending another $180.

This is just another step in the decline of what started as an incredible series. Guitar Hero 1 was a great game popping with personality. Guitar Hero 2 was a pretty good follow-up that lost some of the flavor of the first. Guitar Hero 3 was also a game.

Activision is known to do this with every series possible. Tony Hawk had the same problem where, after the third game, they drove it into the ground hard and fast.

So instead of shelling out $200, here are some better music games that you can find on the cheap.

5.) Amplitude

Aplitude is actually the game Harmonix designed before the first Guitar Hero. Unlike Guitar Hero, you control the entire song in Amplitude. Moving along a track, you must move from instrument to instrument and match the rhythm of the entire song. Missing the vocals track will remove the vocals from the song. Missing the bass will take out the bass. Etc.

Song complicated? It is. But therein lies the fun. Amplitude is a challenging game that requires both rhythm and an ability to spot where individual instruments begin and end.

While the crappy Techno-World theme of the game can be off-putting, the music selection is great and the game is incredibly challenging.

4.) Space Channel 5

Space Channel 5 is ridiculous. Ulala, a woman who looks like the E-Surance lady, is a space reporter covering / defending against an alien invasion. There's also a rival television station, Michael Jackson, and an entourage that grows as you play the game.

While very short and somewhat easy, this game is simply too weird to not enjoy. Music games are largely about style since the basic follow-the-pattern format needs a balancing visual flair. Space Channel 5 is the most stylish - if off the fucking wall - music game out there.

3. Samba De Amigo

Yay! Imagine Guitar Hero, but with maracas. And, like Guitar Hero, you used a toy version of those maracas. They even had little beads in them to create a shaking sound when you used them.

This game rocked because of how physically tiring it was. Unlike most music games - excluding Dance Dance Revolution which isn't on this list because there are more music genres than J-Pop, Techno, and J-Pop Techno - Samba De Amigo was fucking tiring. You needed to keep moving the maracas up and down as you shook them. You literally couldn't play this game sitting down or resting.

It also had Chumbawamba and they're bringing this game back for the Wii.

2. Rhythm Heaven

Yes, this game is Japanese. But fuck if it isn't amazing. A collection of music-based mini-games, Rhythm Heaven really mixes up genres and creates interesting play experiences that never get boring because they never last longer than a few minutes.



1. Elite Beat Agents

Elite Beat Agents has everything the past four have had and more. Great music selection, style, graphics, portability, challenge - everything. Even the story is awesome: three secret government agents help people solve problems by dancing. That's it! The end! This ranges from helping a film director finish his movie to reuniting a girl with her dead father (really) to stopping an alien invasion.

This video doesn't do the sound quality justice, but it does demonstrate some awesomeness.

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Not Approximately Funny #3: Danger Ahead!

Not Approximately Funny #2

Not Approximately Funny #1

We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story

They're In-Cog-Nito. Get It? Do You?

I Disagree With a Lot of His Policies

If Spoken, It Would Sound the Same

A Band I Do Like - A Lot

I got into Die Artze when I was taking German in college. They sing sort of slow, so it makes their songs easier to understand and their music videos are fucking weird.

Watch these videos. You can basically pick up what's going on from the video itself.

Manchmal (A song about sharing the power in a relationship.)


Mein Baby War Bein Frisor (A song about a woman getting a bad hair cut.)


Lied vom Scheitern (A song basically about no one liking having a job. Wait until the end of the video for it to get fun.)



Rod Loves You (The band's drummer, Rod, gets a song about loving women.)

Uh-oh! Trouble's Brewing!

More Ridiculousness from Newsgroper

I'm not a big Hulk Hogan fan, but I thought this blog I wrote would be appropriate. It's not. No, no, no.

Come From Behind Victory Day

Objection, Your Honor!

Newsgroper and I

I wrote two bits for Newsgroper.

One's a one-liner by John McCain.

The other is about Dan Boren not endorsing Obama.

To His Right, Silently Accepting the Hate

A Motivational Speech for Myself

Good morning. We've lost a lot of our friends in the Self-Esteem Corps recently. The Williamsburg show alone killed fifteen thousand Agents of Self-Esteem. And the DC Comedy Festival. Ooooooh, the DC Comedy Festival. The less that's said about your failure to procure a spot, the better. Enough has been said. There was a lot of talking and it was negative, so the said part should be limited.

But a lot of you are asking, "Why not quit now? Why not get out of this mess while you still have your dignity?"

And I say this to you, few remaining Self-Esteem Soldiers of Something or Other, it's too late. All dignity is gone. Like Cortes, we burned the ships of potential self-satisfaction when we arrived in this barren wasteland of self-hatred. Like Cortes, but not exactly! You think you can go back now? Oh-ho! Today you are a shitty comedian! But if you try to swim back to the shores of normality, you will find that you will not only drown, but you will be known as someone who failed after being a shitty comedian.

I know things seem grim right now. We've all got a hard-on for laughter. Oh, boy! I can feel that need for laughter in my pants! Not really, but I want you boys to understand me, here, while I talk more. I've got a big old need for speed. And that speed isn't moving fast or the drug speed. It's comedy! It's the laughter from the mouth of babes! Whether those babes be actual babies or grown men, those babes will laugh!

So before you run for the Ocean of Self-Regret where the cooling waves and father-son games of catch relieve you of your terror. Might I ask - isn't it worth sacrificing your very sanity for a shot at greatness? Isn't it worth reaching above the clouds of today for the bright, bright sun of tomorrow?

No?

Well, then fuck this noise! Let's go get us a job!

Why Am I the Bad Guy Here?

A Heartwarming Film About The American Dream

A Grassroots Movement

This Means Nothing and Everything

The Best of Us Get Insecure

Impressions: Sid Meier's Revolution Demo

Is it Christmas morning? If that means a new Sid Meier's Civilization game, yes. The demo just hit Xbox Live today. And God, it goes down so smooth.

OH SHIT(s):

1. The game is gorgeous. Civilization 4 was nice. But this is the first Civilization game that will just have you in awe of the world they created. Also, Cleopatra was clearly designed to be incredibly attractive. Which, according to recent discoveries, isn't at all true.

2. The controls are spot on. I was worried that, at least on the consoles, playing with a joypad would make the game lose its subtly. Nope. The joypad controls great. And the "B" button now serves the same function as the "Enter" button, meaning you'll be pressing it for hours as you wait for the Library of Alexandria to be built.

3. The game moves fast. In a good way. By trimming down on the size of the world and the number of units (you don't need dozens of units to kill one village), the game becomes incredibly smooth. While it may lead to shorter sessions rather than the nightly marathons that Civilization and Alpha Centauri had, it does make it satisfying to see the results of your science immediately.

Science!

OH NO(s):

1. The cursor occasionally disappears off the screen. I hope it's a bug in the demo. If it's not, the game could easily become frustrating until patched.

2. City management may be simpler, but it also means that it's harder to get your city to run EXACTLY as you want.

3. No wonder videos? What the fuck? If I spend twenty-five turns developing economics, I don't want some CG lady clapping and telling me what it does. I want this:



Yeah, girl. That's the shit I need.

OH WELL(s):

Despite the minor flaws, this game looks like it's going to rock. While the 360 and PS3 variety have the graphical advantage, it might be the DS version that really catches me. The games are supposedly identical in terms of play, so I'm very excited to take this on the road.

Easing the Suffering

The demo for the new Civilization drops this Thursday.

Look at Lincoln. Motherfucker is ready to party. And so am I.

New 23/6 Blog: Dick Cheney's Joke Book

This bit I wrote for 23/6 comes briefly after Cheney started doing bits about incest in West Virgina. More hilarity now:

Click the image!

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New 23/6 Blog: Trinity United Church of Christ is Taking it Hard

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Guessing Contest

I’m in a guessing contest with three other men. The woman judging the competition holds an object behind her back. She smiles wide at each failed guess. It’s not a phone. It’s not a book. It’s not keys or a container or a pen. We struggle over our guesses, trying to narrow it down. We try the romantic angle. A heart? A ring? A flower? She laughs and covers her mouth in embarrassment. “Alright, then,” says the man to my right. “We’re making great progress!” I secretly hope whoever wins gets to keep what’s back there, because it has to be good!