Blogging Minnesota - The Band's All Here

Last night we went to a club in which three bands played very loud music with shouting a bunch. I think the kids theses days call it Rock and Roll music. But I don't care for it – not one bit. Erodes the moral fiber of this fine nation.

I didn't understand many of the songs. I think one was about a guy who could only scream and that made him really angry and another was about guy who liked yelling but stopped every so often because his friend is a drummer and needed to get a long solo out of his system. But I did realize, with names such as “Vampire Hands,” shitty hipster bands are running out of nouns and adjectives to name themselves with.

Honestly, those bands were a bag of hardcore suck.

On the plus side, I'm the only one of the three of us comedians who isn't hung over right now at 9:30 in the morning. Huzzah!

Blogging Minnesota

12:41 - Hello, Ohio!

John Knefel, Jake Goldman, and I just entered Ohio. Road trips are always fun because you get to see all of America and then judge it.

We spent the last two hours listening to a mixture of inspirational music by the inspirational rock band, Europe, songs by the Red Army Choir, and Christmas music.

While we did so, we did another draft of the script for our show, Drilling For Freedom: Our 44th White Dude. Basically what we have left to do is make some final edits on a few Power Point presentations for the show.

Interesting story:

On the way, we stopped at a Taco Bell, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Pizza Hut combination for dinner. We sit down. At the counter are angry high school kids. Eating at another table are angry high school kids. This is a town that really keeps you down, man. If they get out of here, they're going to make that movie!

So, on the PA system, they're playing some ambient 50's music. And then the kids behind the counter switch out the music with Slipknot.

Yeah.

And the kids behind the counter and the kids at the table go crazy, like, “Fuck yeah! This is the type of music I play.” A few of them are trying to impress the girls by talking about their bands that play similar songs. One guy was saying his band was going on tour and he was going to skip college and get out of town with his band. And the girl kept clinging to his arm, like, “Really? That's so awesome. You're so awesome.” Giving him the eye.

Which filled me with wonder. Because we were witnessing a consistently repeated moment in history: the moment a young man looks around him and finds his world wanting. The moment he takes the skills he's developed in spite of the challenges around him. The moment he packs his bags, decides to become a true artist, and says, “I hate it here! These people don't deserve me! I'm leaving this town tomorrow, right after I have unprotected sex with my girlfriend.”

1:50 Central Time - We're Here

We're in Minnesota. Right now we're driving to John's friends' house where we'll be crashing the better part of a week. The city's looking good. Sort of reminds me of Ft. Lauderdale in terms of layout. It's also a lot hotter than I expected being a humid really fucking hot degrees.

After waking up to the sun rising over Chicago, we ate breakfast at the legendary Cracker Barrel. Knefel, never having been before, compared it to a buffet called “Paul Bunyan's.” At Paul Bunyan's, Knefel says, you sit at a long table as waiters bring you an endless amount of food. As soon as you plate is empty, they bring you more eggs, bacon, dough nuts, and the like. Which, to me, sounds like the American nightmare. I just imagine a Paul Bunyan's 2227 in which robot waiters keep piling food on helpless victims, drowning in maple syrup and crushed by pancakes. Every time a plate clears, they rush out and replace the food, like the old Loony Toon.

I'm about half-way through James Joyce's Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I know most people read it in high school. I didn't, though. I think I'm enjoying it despite Joyce's quirks. There's a real possibility I'm not smart enough for books that don't have space ships, time machines, and dinosaurs in them. That's a something I'm quite comfortable with.

Knefel, Goldman, and I have spent most of the morning talking about Palin as Vice President. The general consensus is that she's a “Hail Mary Play” (Knefel's wording), an attempt by McCain to pick up angry Hillary voters and appeal to the ultra-conservative base. At the same time, she's even more inexperienced than Obama is, thus diffusing the Republican argument that someone with his years in office doesn't deserve the White House. She's also being investigated in her home state of Alaska for illegally firing a policeman. As she likes to say, she's pro guns, babies, and God. Yikes.

We're here.

I Think McCain's VP Is The Lady From My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Which is the Republican VP Candidate?

I explain on 23/6!

And, also, if you missed it - you did - check out The Real John McCain Time Magazine Interview.

I think you'll like both.

Yes, Yes, And Yes

Thank you, Britain. Once again, you've come through for me.

Why Did They Cut This From Star Wars?

According to io9, the makers of the Star Wars game "The Force Unleashed" had an idea for the greatest Star Wars character ever.

The Corpse Droid.

Basically, the Corpse Droid was a droid so obsessed with becoming human that it steals human body parts and stitches them over itself. It took the obsessiveness of C-3PO and turns it completely evil.

They wanted the Corpse Droid to either be a comic relief character (AWESOME) or a villain (AWESOME). But in the end, they decided the ROBOT WHO STOLE BODY PARTS AND PUT THEM INSIDE HIMSELF wasn't a good fit.

What?

A robot who steals the flesh of the dying in an attempt to become human fits anywhere he goddamn well likes. He would have been the greatest Star Wars character ever. And this is coming from a man who knows all the Star Wars characters.

Look at that early concept sketch (which is now my background on my computer) and think about the missed opportunities for merchandise I would buy:

Corpse Droid The Action Figures
Corpse Droid The Blanket
Corpse Droid The Breakfast Cereal
Corpse Droid The Christmas Ornament
Corpse Droid The Cross-Stitch

So many great things. Wasted. Goddamn you, George Lucas. It took a while, but you've finally gone too far for me.

CNN's Comedy Article Is Spot On

In the words of Cassidy: Yikes.

According to the article, bad jokes result in a hostile reaction. This I already know from getting hostile reactions from every audience who's ever seen me do a joke on a stage from which I say things which aren't funny to people who aren't receptive of the bits I'm doing such as this one I'm typing right now which you probably find somewhat annoying.

We've all been there!

But the clarity of the article is really interesting. I love the idea that a bad joke-teller is susceptible to violence both because the joke is bad and because the person is insulted that you'd find it funny.

Comedy At The Edge

I'm currently reading Comedy At The Edge.

I'm sort of enjoying it, although the Introduction is a bit condescending towards new comedians. The author basically attends one club show (what club? where? what night?) and decides that all of modern comedy is inferior to the comedy scene he had spent tens of thousands of hours in and studying during the '70s and '80s. That's it. He sees a crappy showcase

In that, he sort of ignores the counter-movement that followed the era he covers. Throughout the book, the author bemoans the fact that punchlines exist. Especially punchlines that don't involve real life. Absurdest comedy is "okay," in his book, but only when it's making fun of those smelly, old hackey comics who used punchlines.

But now-a-days look at popular comedians such as Eugene Mirman, Zach Galifianakis, Todd Barry, Jimmy Carr, even Doug Stanhope use punchlines ("I thought small crosses on the side of the road were for traffic fatalities, but..."). When used right, they can be just as "subversive."

Then again, throughout the book, the author will write how big a comedian was, and then say their influence reaches comedians Jon Stewart. He does it all the fucking time. George Carlin influenced Jon Stewart. Albert Brooks influenced Jon Stewart. Richard Pryor influenced Jon Stewart. There's even a part, I swear to God, where he writes that Steve Martin had influence "From Craig Kilbourn to Jon Stewart." Those are the only two people to host the Daily Show!

It becomes clear that the author doesn't know any other comics besides Jon Stewart. Yes, they've all influenced Jon Stewart, and Jon Stewart is a leader, if not the leader in television comedy.

But to create a comedy family tree that doesn't branch feels odd and sort of lazy. As if he knows of one or two really popular comedians, and they're the only good results of the comedy era he covers. Other comedians aren't worth investigating because they don't have New York Times profiles. Which then invalidates his point that these comics were revolutionary because they didn't always follow a set path created by the media.

The book is incredibly thorough for the time period it covers, which I respect. However, its ignorance of the preceding and succeeding history make it seem like the late '60s through early '80s were the only eras in which comedy wasn't hacky. Every other era was Take-My-Wife-Please and post-Seinfeld warmed-over observational bits.

I'm not asking that these eras get covered, but that they don't get treated as if they were comedic dark ages.

Comedy At The Edge is a good story book, and very well written, but a poor lesson in comedy history. It's more or less takes comedians you already know and respect and says, "How awesome were these guys? So awesome. Richard Pryor hit women. But who cares? So awesome."

I'm Passed In Philly

Just got back from Helium Comedy Club in Philly where I did a Philly's All-Stars showcase.

When I got there, I was pleasantly surprised to find out it was paid. Then I was asked to fill out a W-9 for future shows. And then I was asked if I would be okay coming in from New York for future shows. And then I said yes.

I'm passed at Helium Comedy Club.

The set itself was interesting. I did fifteen minutes, which is more than I'm used to, although not difficult by any means. The crowd was fun. One of the comics mentioned it was a small crowd. There were 30 people in the audience.

The crowd definitely enjoyed a dose of crowd work with their material. I would get a big laugh on a joke and then get pulled off in another direction by talking with a few of the more vocal audience members. But they weren't heckling and everyone was having a genuinely good time.

After the show, a very polite lady walked up to me and told me she was attracted to me and, I kid you not, the way I annunciate words. I told her I had a Master's in English and she was delighted. She said she would come see me whenever I was at the club. She then said she was disappointed I was apparently taken.

I think she meant it.

Dead Presidents Discuss the Live Candidates, Part I

23/6 Piece is A Go!

It's funny, I think.

Philadelphia Tonight / Hacking My Wii / SNL

One:

I'm back in Philadelphia tonight performing on a Philly's All-Stars Showcase. That means I do fifteen minutes of jokes. I'm going to be a lot of new material that seems to be doing well recently.

Two:

I've hacked my Nintendo Wii.

It wasn't too hard to do, and now I've got just about every game I've ever loved emulated on the console. This turns it from a decent system with some pretty good games into a fucking powerhouse party system.

Tetris Attack, son.

While the Nintendo64 emulator is altogether broken, the others work really well and present some decent emulation, if not as perfect as the Virtual Console games.

Three:

I interviewed for a job at Saturday Night Live yesterday. Not writing / performing-related, so don't get too excited. The upside: I realized that my input would have a real affect on the visual output of the show. The downside: I would need to cancel half the shows I'm booked on for the rest of the year.

Yikes.

Choices!

Replicating Emotions

I was talking to my cousin this morning on G-Chat and he asked me what it felt like being on stage. It's hard to explain, but I think I've found two songs that might help illustrate the two extremes:

Killing:



Bombing:



That about handles it.

I'm Philly's Second Funniest Person

Yay! I'm Philly's Second Funniest Person! Philadelphia, I mean. You know. Oh, man! Awkward!

The finals show went really well. Although it was easy to see that Kent Haines would win (deservedly so), it was a toss-up between the rest of us. Derek Gaines (who won third) crushed with amazing conceptual jokes. If you ever hear the bit "Gangster Dream," you'll know what I mean.

I went up early and got a really good reaction from the audience. The judges liked me too, and I got some really great feedback from a few good folks. I've been asked to submit and audition for a few things now (writing and performing), which makes me both nervous and extremely excited.

To be honest, I didn't know if I'd place. That's not me being humble. The finals were tough. Comedians such as Pat Barker fucking brought it hardcore and I definitely placed second by a hair. But when they called my name, I lost it. It was Christmas morning. It was my birthday. It was great.

I know it's second place. But I honestly didn't expect even that much.

After that, everyone did a late-night Finalists' Showcase. That show was... rough. The audience started great and Larry XL and Pat Barker crushed. But after a while people got drunk and the last three comics (Derek, myself, and Kent) had good, but certainly more difficult sets.

When I mentioned that Phelps had won his 8th gold medal - just as a mention rather than a bit - a woman said, "I HATE MICHAEL PHELPS!" That's where we were.

But it was fun and I did well.

Wednesday I've been invited back to do a Philly All-Stars Showcase. Yay!

My New Black 20 Article And Harry Stephen Keeler

I wrote this new Black20 article about TNT's The Closer.

The end is heavily influenced by my third favorite writer, Harry Stephen Keeler.

There's something to be said for rambling writing. Some people might call it "Stream of Consciousness," but that implies some sort of linear path, simply without a filter. Keeler's writing diverges, loops back around, and includes needlessly repetitive statements.

And it's beautiful.

The Rest of America's Map of New York City

After getting sent this New Yorker's Map of America, I thought I'd return the favor and make The Rest of America's Map of New York City.

What I've Been Up To

I've been writing my new stand-up routine. I hope you like it:

I'm Now a Blogger For Beanstockd

I've been asked to begin blogging for Beanstockd, which is sort of a Green Gawker, if you would. Here's something I posted on.

I'll also be working with them on videos soon with the likes of Sean O'Connor, Nick Maritato, and Andrew Wright. Who are beautiful men well deserving of my praise.

Bernie Mac, Age 50

Bernie Mac died today, at age 50. He was a great comedian.

He also falls into a weird part of my comedy life. An important part, too.

I had a friend who often drove me to and from high school because we lived in the same neighborhood and I didn’t have a car. He was a massive Def Jam Comedy fan, so he had albums and copies of the televised shows ripped to CD, and we would listen to them in his car all the forty-minute drive to Dillard High School.

Chris Tucker was in there, Martin Lawrence was in there, lots of good, famous comedians. But Bernie Mac was one who stood out for me for some reason. Maybe his delivery was more solid and less frantic – which seemed to be a bit more popular then – but I always enjoyed his act. When I saw him in movies like Ocean’s Eleven, I got excited the way you get excited when you see your friends in commercials or getting TV spots.

I don’t know. I’m just sad about the whole thing. 50. 50? That’s too young. He’s had a great career, but only wish there had been more.