My Appearance On David Angelo Radio

David Angelo's podcast is super effective. Here's my appearance on it from two weeks back.

Unlike most podcasts, he splits the whole kabbam into a few segments which really helps the flow of the show. It's hard to get bored when he's got a list of ideas to keep the show moving along.

I'm also quite popular on his forums.

A DC Universe Knock-Knock Joke

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Martian Manhunter?

Martian Manhunter Who?

The last of my kind...

Why don't you just phase through the door or something?

I guess I could but that's rude.

What do you know about rude? You know nothing of human emotions.

I wish I had died with my people.

Nah, I'm just joshing, buddy, c'mon in!

Red Tornado, you son of a bitch!

The Best Sports Announcer Ever

There's always a tinge of jealousy when someone's so much funnier than me. As Florida Panthers announcer Randy Moller is sort of not really but actually yes maybe.

Here are his actual goal announcements:

Shows This Week

I'm off SNL this week and trying to catch up on stand-up. Here are some of the quality wizz-pow! shows I'm doing this week:

Sunday:

Hosting 5 For 5 on the Comix Mainstage, with Joe DeRosa, Matt McCarthy, and more @ 7:30

Monday:

Comedy Dungeon @ Jazz On The Park @ 8:00 p.m.
Eastville Comedy Club @ 9:00 p.m.

Tuesday:


Writers Room @ The PIT @ 9:30 p.m. with Sean Patton, Jackie Novak, and more.

Wednesday:

Sideshow Goshko @ Comix @ 7:30 p.m.
Bowery Electric @ 8:00 p.m.
Hold For Laughs @ Safe Theater @ 10:00 p.m.

Thursday:


Comedy As A Second Language @ Kabin @ 9:00 p.m.

Friday:

Montreal Comedy Festival Callback Audition @ Stand-Up New York @ 8:00 p.m.


Saturday:

DERRICK COMEDY: This Is New York @ The Creek @ 8:00 p.m.

Buy Retro Game Challenge

Retro Game Challenge is good. That's the short side of it.

Here's the longer side.

There's a Twilight Zone episode called Walking Distance. It's about a guy who gets to travel back to his past and marvel at his youth from old eyes. Unlike most time travel stories, there's no major event in his life the man wants to change - no siblings lost in Vietnam, no Hitler to kill. Rather, he just wants to shout to himself to enjoy childhood and to have fun.

That's Retro Game Challenge.

It's a tribute to your childhood. The inclusion of magazines and manuals with their misspellings and over dramatic too-cool-for-school language really emphasizes a time when video games were taken serious only by gamers. Maybe it wasn't a better time, but it was a different time. And you get to re-experience it in a way that feels surprisingly honest without the brashness of most compilations.

Watching two kids cheer each other on as they play these games is half the delight. It feels like you're watching yourself have unadulterated fun, when even a crappy new game was still a new game. Before expendable income made every penny squeezed for maximum playability.

The games themselves - which are original tributes to classic games rather than anything you may remember - are wonderfully fun, if often too short. Still, they keep your attention just long enough to appreciate a certain facet or long-dead gameplay element from the past. And playing Guadia Quest, a fully-fledged 8-bit RPG that's longer than many new games, is simply amazing.

I'm done describing this game. I want to be a kid again.

Recent Bits In The Onion

It's been a very, very, very long day.

But here are some updates.

First of all, I've been contributing to the Obama's First 100 Days list at The Onion, including numbers 22 and 18.

I also wrote a headline that's been appearing at the top of The Onion page, "Joe Biden Googles 'Open Mic Night AND Washington D.C.'"

You can also get the podcast I did with super talented David Angelo here.

More soon.

David Angel Radio Tonight @ 8

One of my favorite joke writers in New York City, David Angelo, has invited me to do his internet radio show tonight at 8 p.m.

He's brilliant, and I'm not, so I'm hoping he boosts me up to his level.

23/6 Moved, I'm Now On Huffington Post

Hey, Left-Wing Liberals and Atheist Homosexuals (I'm serious - I do best in front of those crowds, and I myself am three fourths of those descriptors, potentially all four if Derek Jeter stays in the league) I'm now an official blogger for the Huffington Post.

I was a blogger for their comedy off-shoot 23/6, but that's been collapsed back under the HuffPo umbrella.

My first bit, This Week's Five Things That Are Already Old might be a new regular bit I do on Fridays.

Strength and honor.

Best Of The Worst: Rejected Weekend Update Jokes

I submit jokes to Weekend Update every week. Almost every week I'm rejected, except for my stomach, which is charismatic and entertaining enough to make it in photos on a regular basis.

Here are my best worst (and worst of the best) rejected jokes from the past few weeks:

This week a new Star Wars toy is being released called "The Force Trainer," which comes with a headset that uses brain waves to allow players to manipulate a sphere within a clear tower as if they were using the Force. "I need to buy that," said you in your head.

According to a new federal report, Mississippi now has the nation's highest teen pregnancy rate, which is more than 60 percent higher than the national average. So it turns out the Bible Belt isn't very good at holding up pants.

For the third time, Gu Gu, a panda at the Beijing Zoo, has attacked a visitor who climbed into its space. Or, in Gu Gu's world, for the second time humans have not learned their lesson.

When Barack Obama is sworn in as President, he will be driven around in a new Cadillac that is nicknamed "Beast," because it features 5-inch thick armor plating, tires that can roll even when flat, bulletproof windows, and because the name "Beast" sounds really cool.

Police in Chicago have arrested a 14 year-old boy for impersonating a police officer after he dressed in a regulation uniform and reported for duty at a Chicago police station. They realized he wasn't a real police officer when he didn't kill anybody.

A woman in California this week gave birth to eight babies. I think we have a photo from the birth [KEY: Clowns spilling out of a clown car].

A 13 year-old girl in Australia fought off a 16-foot great white shark before escaping with a massive wound to her leg and a big chunk bitten off her surfboard. So yeah, Australia has got to be the worst place in the world to get your first period.

According to a new study about 1 in 200 children in America are vegetarians. "That must be so lonely," said gay kids.

[KEY: Still of Mantalban from Star Treak II] Actor Ricardo Montalban died this week at the age of 88. The cause? KAAAAAAAAHHN-cer.

A council in East Sussex, England has banned any street names that remotely sound rude. Which must be welcome news to residents living on My Ass Is A Two Way Street [KEY: Mock up sign].

Stand-Up Comedy RPG

Mike Drucker
Level 5 Stand-Up Comedian

Stand-Up Show Win!

150 XP from Entertaining The Bartender
2,000 XP from next level

Most Effective Joke: Asking Out Girl In High School - for 300 damage
Least Effective Joke: Family On Facebook, Second Tag - for 10 damage

Items received: Two drink tickets, visiting comedian's business card
Items spent: Two drink tickets.

Abilities learned: "I wish I were a comedian in the 1980s" joke.